Thursday's Truth - Brutal Honesty

White lies. These are untruths that are spoken and are considered justified based on some higher purpose. The fact that they are "white" implies that they no longer have a dark meaning, which is really like adding insult to injury.

An example might be asking a spouse, boyfriend or significant other whether the clothes you are wear make you look fat. The response is "no" even though they truly believe otherwise.

The brutally honest answer is: "no, your fat makes you look fat". This would not play well in many relationships.

Just the combination of these two words seems to be an oxymoron. We normally equate brutality with abuse. We admire honesty as a virtue that is very difficult to live up to.

And Truth hurts - brutally so, at times. But the truth will set you free to enjoy life and make the choices that are wise and appropriate.

While I don't agree with the use of inappropriate language in the blog I am about to suggest as a resource, much of what the writer talks about is true.

Here is the link - view discretion is advised.

Monday's Motivational Makeover Featuring Tess

Honest communication.

How honest is too honest?

Peeling the layers of the onion is my favorite pastime. A friend of mine says that I’m the “diagnostician of purpose and relevance”. It isn’t clear to me if he means that in a loving or a scrutinizing way but since we create most of our own meaning in our lives….I’ll take it in a loving way.

This week I’ve had a pinched nerve in my neck. Whenever there is a physical symptom I dig around in the emotional subterranean to see if there might be some other pinched nerve in my life where I’m not living authentically. After reviewing some of the domains of my life I came up with a couple of areas that may be suspect and in need of adjustment. Relationship is one such area.

Having made the decision to go “exclusive” in my romantic relationship recently, we are in the discovery phase of the mating dance where we get to define boundaries, communicate effectively and practice honesty (while still attempting to be attractive and desirable to each other). It has been years since I’ve shared this much time and conversation with an intimate other with the hopeful intention that it will evolve into a long term commitment.

Both communicators, we enjoy sharing thoughts through words, however, I’ve begun to notice that although a bonding experience, we have different modes of communicating. Additionally, when discussing needs and emotions, I find that I’m much more prone to directness and solving what I see as areas of frustration and inequity before they result in discontent.

My gentleman friend would rather let things go as he feels most things dissipate given time..

Since unresolved upset becomes toxic sludge in my school of thought, I would like to have a quick exchange where I put things on the table, shed some light, get a little validation or at least some air time….and then it doesn’t hold the “charge” energetically.

Once I do this, closeness is restored and I can get back to happy.

Gentleman friend is trying to adjust his rule book to these new requirements, but often I see a glassy eyed creature looking back at me and nodding slowly. My need for honesty doesn’t work the same for him…in fact it appears to get in the way of his “relatedness” with me. His level of honesty isn’t as rigorous as mine. Because of his importance to me, I’ve been able to adjust the frequency, my degree of intensity and my tone so that I can be heard. Thanking him for hearing me when we’re finished also seems to meet with his glassy eyed approval.

Honesty is high on my list of values. It is a good thing…and I don’t want to compromise….but…..

After force feeding honesty to my very patient friends and family… all of these years, after all of the classes and all of the books, and peeling the onion….i may have learned something invaluable.

Serving honesty up in a comforting and compassionate way is a very good thing.

Every relationship requires its own degree of honesty and being completely self expressed doesn’t serve the relationship unless the other person is equipped to receive the level of honesty with which you are communicating.

Since most of communication is non verbal here are a few ideas to consider:

Evaluating your nonverbal communication skills
Eye contact	Is this source of connection missing, too intense, or just right in yourself or in the person you are looking at?
Facial expression	What is your face showing? Is it masklike and unexpressive, or emotionally present and filled with interest? What do you see as you look into the faces of others?
Tone of voice	Does your voice project warmth, confidence, and delight, or is it strained and blocked? What do you hear as you listen to other people?
Posture and gesture	Does your body look still and immobile, or relaxed? Sensing the degree of tension in your shoulders and jaw answers this question. What do you observe about the degree of tension or relaxation in the body of the person you are speaking to?
Touch	Remember, what feels good is relative. How do you like to be touched? Who do you like to have touching you? Is the difference between what you like and what the other person likes obvious to you?
Intensity	Do you or the person you are communicating with seem flat, cool, and disinterested, or over-the-top and melodramatic? Again, this has as much to do with what feels good to the other person as it does with what you personally prefer.
Timing and pace	What happens when you or someone you care about makes an important statement? Does a response—not necessarily verbal—come too quickly or too slowly? Is there an easy flow of information back and forth?
Sounds	Do you use sounds to indicate that you are attending to the other person? Do you pick up on sounds from others that indicate their caring or concern for you?
Source: The Language of Emotional Intelligence, by Jeanne Segal, Ph.D.

What’s in your life is what you choose, choose consciously and powerfully!

Tess

Our New Direction

Last night our President outlined his vision for the future of our nation as we struggle to rebuild our economic infrastructure.

Part of this vision requires a re-liquifying of the banking system as we know it today. This is expected to cost the US taxpayers trillions of dollars, and may result in the partial or total "nationalization" of many of our largest financial institutions. Many of the experts see this as a secondary priority. The real issue, they say, is the continued decline in asset prices - houses, commercial real estate, etc. Many of these assets are backed by "financially engineered" products that have no intrinsic value (tied to "hard" assets like gold, silver). As part of the modern day Fractional Reserve monetary system, bankers have been able to create assets out of nothing. Opponents of this system call it "Pluck From Air (PFA)" banking. While this post is not meant to go into detail on how it is done, I do want to point out that this system has been made more impactful and dangerous with the introduction of "shadow banks" (Hedge Funds, Private Equity Funds, etc.). The rise of these alternate sources of capital are now themselves falling victim to rapidly declining asset values, creating a snowball effect and putting further pressure on the Feds to bail them out, as well.

Why have I spent so much time in this blog on the subject of modern day banking? Because the root cause of this latest financial crisis has been around for a long time (back to the Federal Reserve Act of 1913). But deeper than that, the current banking crisis can be traced back to biblical times when "honest scales and honest weights" were used to conduct trade.

Somehow, we have managed to stray from this "righteous trade" system of commerce. It has taken centuries, and various forms of dishonesty to get us to this point.

Let us be the first generation, to commit to acting responsibly, and restore honesty and integrity to our banking system. As President Obama said last night "The time to take charge of our future is here."

Until next post, continue to believe, achieve, receive. SDG- JBHIV