I got broadsided in my blind spot last night.
I wasn’t in the car.
It was one of those blind spots that exist and we don’t realize how vulnerable we are..….that’s why they’re called blind spots. There’s the “I know what I know”, there’s the “I know what I don’t know”….and then there’s the “I don’t know what I don’t know” stuff….Blind spots are the nefarious little gremlins that jump up and bite you when you least expect it out of the “I don’t know what I don’t know bag of treats”.
When you get hit in a blind spot you don’t know how to handle it. Everything that you know about yourself goes out the window because you are sideswiped and confused. This is unsettling to me since I’ve spent so much time in the introspection and self awareness aisle at the bookstore….if you know what I mean. Really, I’m not a stranger to looking into the proverbial mirror.
I was at a restaurant having a glass of wine and listening to music with ‘the man’ and we were waiting for another couple. They were an hour late and within the first 10 seconds of them approaching the table, something happened and I just lost my ……my……let’s say…the gray matter just melted and drained out of my left ear and down my shoulder and ended up in a pool on the floor next to my chair. So to speak.
My reaction to the event was so completely out of left field. Suddenly I felt this alien invasion at the control panel of my brain and then it was completely out of my hands. Words came out of my mouth with a sharp edge, a feeling occupied my body that was rigid and agitated, and intensity pervaded my being for about 30 minutes or so. I was triggered. No doubt about it.
I had to talk through it and process what had happened. I needed to understand and get a handle on it because it was abundantly clear to everyone involved that it was very charged for me. I didn’t know if my emotions were anger, surprise, confusion, or humor. I was laughing one minute and then once I got in the car and starting talking about it, the emotion turned to tears and then back to anger. I was ashamed with my behavior.
Once we arrived at our other destination and met up with the couple again, I immediately joked about my reaction and rolled myself under the bus. I apologized to them and was a grown up so that we could have a nice time. Not to mention, it was one person’s birthday.
Now mind you….I HAD a reason for reacting. I’m not going into it because I’m protecting the innocent here…but I had just cause for a reaction.
No matter what the trigger, I am ultimately responsible for my reaction. It is reasonable to point to the culprit and assign blame and that would feel really good for a little while and then I have to look at myself and own all the silly little gremlins that are jumping around in me screeching. I’m still pretty embarrassed about the whole thing.
The projection party is never pretty, but essential to understanding my behavior is the need to venture into that emotional bio hazardous material and figure out why I plugged into the situation the way I did. This will take some time to sort through but I know there is value in it.
The good news is:
I caught myself.
I’m looking at why my reaction was so severe
Maybe I’ll heal something in the process……..
Did you have reactions to getting hit in your blind spots this week??
Did you assign blame or did you look at your roll in the drama?
What’s in your life is what you choose. Choose consciously and powerfully!